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In heat of an argument, he is perfectly fine with the divorce; when things settle down, he goes through his needy phase, etc. My legitimate concern is how he is going to take it emotionally (he does get depressed at times AND he owns guns AND he mentioned suicide before) But again, this is one of the reasons I have stuck with him so far for so (I know: co-dependence, enabling, all that). I am kind of hoping that somehow, in his mind, I become the mean, evil woman that he WANT to divorce (like, if I threaten to the cops on him and/or his dealer). Sick, sick, sick, I know, but I AM desparate Living with an addict is like going from a bad dream to a terrifying nightmare. The disease gets us all at the end. It's also hard because I really the person my husband used to be and still can be at times when not drunk or on his hunt Though there is a sort of emptiness- he has completely neglected any and all responsibilities related to the house (except for bills, he still pays his share) and the pets. I feel alone- I have felt alone- for years now. We don't get to do things we used to enjoy, we have had sex on average 5 times a year over the past fours years (he's all doped up and impotent from the Rxed meds he's been taking, plus drinking), I feel that my life is completely revolving around him (wasted, wasted), while his life revolves around his drinking and his. There's feeling of guilt, anger, you name it, I have it. But I just got to the point when I cannot tolerate this situation any more Waiting home at night to maybe get a from detectives saying he is arrested or dead And I have no power nor strength to try to influence him any more. It's like admitting- OK, I lost this, I just can't win it. I know you didn't ask for all of this rambling, but I really appreciate getting a to share this with someone.

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