In heat of an argument, he is perfectly fine with the divorce; when things settle down, he goes through his needy phase, etc. My legitimate concern is how he is going to take it emotionally (he does get depressed at times AND he owns guns AND he mentioned suicide before) But again, this is one of the reasons I have stuck with him so far for so (I know: co-dependence, enabling, all that). I am kind of hoping that somehow, in his mind, I become the mean, evil woman that he WANT to divorce (like, if I threaten to the cops on him and/or his dealer). Sick, sick, sick, I know, but I AM desparate Living with an addict is like going from a bad dream to a terrifying nightmare. The disease gets us all at the end. It's also hard because I really the person my husband used to be and still can be at times when not drunk or on his hunt Though there is a sort of emptiness- he has completely neglected any and all responsibilities related to the house (except for bills, he still pays his share) and the pets. I feel alone- I have felt alone- for years now. We don't get to do things we used to enjoy, we have had sex on average 5 times a year over the past fours years (he's all doped up and impotent from the Rxed meds he's been taking, plus drinking), I feel that my life is completely revolving around him (wasted, wasted), while his life revolves around his drinking and his. There's feeling of guilt, anger, you name it, I have it. But I just got to the point when I cannot tolerate this situation any more Waiting home at night to maybe get a from detectives saying he is arrested or dead And I have no power nor strength to try to influence him any more. It's like admitting- OK, I lost this, I just can't win it. I know you didn't ask for all of this rambling, but I really appreciate getting a to share this with someone.
Sweet Guy looking for someone special
Hey =]
I know this may be a long shot, but I think everything is worth at least one chance. I'm going to be open and honest. I have honestly only had 2 relationships, but of course I have had numerous dates, most of them never really clicked. Today I was day dreaming, on the type of woman I want. I used to look for common interests, or total opposites. But then I realized, I was looking for the wrong characteristics. Who I want is, somebody to sleep with the rest of my life, and cuddle up during a movie, on a couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Getting lost in the woods together. Challenge her, challenge me. Talk about dreams, make dreams; have fights, the kind that only matters as long as you're having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking her nail or an arm. A girl who I can bring flowers too, once in a while, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something that I might see, that made me think of her , that makes me wonder "this might make my girl smile". A girl who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything she's got..but most of all, I want a girl that I know that I can always lean on and I know for sure will always be there. I want to lay under the stars, do random goofy things together, who looks deeper than the surface.
At the moment, I don't have alot of free money, but in about a month I will. I used to live in an apartment, but my roommate lost his job, so I am back at home for now. I do work, full time, and plan on starting college back up in spring.
I can't make a promise that we will click, I can't promise that we will fall in love at first sight. But what I can promise is that if we do click, and we do enjoy time together. I will make it count, I will make you smile :) I think a good relationship is about friendship, companionship, laughter, understanding, and responsibility. It just seems so hard to find the right person. Alot of women (mostly older than me) say I am ahead of my time, and women my age don't want this...but I refuse to believe, that someone reading this right now, at least one soul, isn't agreeing with me.
Well hopefully I made someone smile and want to write me back, I know I didn't speak of any hobbies, or anything like that about me, but I will if you want to email me. I would love to see a picture of you, and of course I will reply with mine. I am kinda a handsome teddy bear kinda guy. Not fat, I am chubby, average height and I am mixed with two races. Good night or Good day :) (btw plus points if you happen to be a geek/nerd)
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